Unraveling Perfectionism

By Jamie Prisco- Rudolph

Edmond Family Counseling

Perfectionism is a state of mind based on the need to meet and exceed personal and societal expectations. An individual focused on perfection may have high standards for themselves, be very organized and structured, and have personal ambitions and goals that they must achieve. While certain traits of perfectionism may help accomplish tasks and set personal expectations, people with perfectionistic tendencies may also experience anxiety, burn out, and low self-esteem. Psychologists distinguish between "adaptive" perfectionism—where high standards help individuals succeed—and "maladaptive" perfectionism, which is driven by anxiety, self-criticism, and a constant fear of failure.

For those experiencing maladaptive perfectionism, the impact on mental health is profound. Research has shown that individuals with high levels of perfectionistic tendencies are at greater risk for a variety of psychological issues, including anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. Perfectionism can also lead to procrastination, as the fear of not doing something perfectly often results in avoidance or delays. According to a 2019 study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, the prevalence of perfectionism in the U.S. has been rising steadily over the past few decades, particularly among younger generations. The study found that individuals who scored higher on perfectionism scales were more likely to report higher levels of distress, burnout, and dissatisfaction with their lives.

There are several ways to transform maladaptive perfectionism into more adaptive perfectionism to help people set realistic goals and expectations for themselves and improve their overall mental health.

• Challenge Unrealistic Expectations: It’s important to examine the standards you’re setting for yourself. Are they realistic or are they making you feel stressed and overwhelmed? Reframing these expectations can help reduce unnecessary pressure. Ask yourself “If my friend told me about their personal expectations and they were unrealistic, how would I help them think about it differently?” Practicing perspective taking can help shift your focus to a more neutral state of mind.
• Focus on the Process, Not Just the Outcome: Rather than fixating solely on results, appreciate the effort and progress you’re making. This shift in focus can help reduce feelings of inadequacy when things don’t go perfectly. By practicing mindfulness (a strategy that focuses on the “here and now”), you can see the progress you have made towards the goal instead of focusing on what you didn’t do in the past or what you still need to get done in the future.

• Practice Self-Compassion: Perfectionists are often their harshest critics. Learning to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a friend can help ease the negative impact of perfectionism. Practice using positive self-talk strategies like positive affirmations to give yourself credit for your accomplishments, no matter how small they may feel.

• Seek Professional Help: In some cases, perfectionism may be tied to deeper psychological issues. Speaking with a therapist can provide valuable tools for managing perfectionistic tendencies and improving mental health.

• Listen to constructive criticism Perfectionists may view any type of criticism as an attack, causing them to feel defensive. A key factor in listening to criticism is determining if it is meant to be constructive or hurtful. Constructive criticism can give you important details on what went right versus what could use some improvement over time. Make note of the positives learned from the experience and view the changes to be made as stepping-stones to reach future goals and objectives.
• Practice “Chunking” Perfectionists tend to set unrealistic goals for themselves and may not think about the small steps that could take place in between to reach the end goal. For example, a goal related to fitness may sound something like “I am going to work out every day for an hour”. If you aren’t used to working out that often, it may be difficult to go from nothing to an intense workout schedule in the matter of a few days. By breaking down this goal into smaller pieces (a.k.a. chunking), it takes the daunting task and creates smaller steps to achieve. So, “working out every day for an hour” becomes a task list like: “get workout gear, research gyms near me, look at my daily schedule to determine when I can fit in a workout, workout for 15 minutes 3 days a week” and so on. Creating smaller goals may help with motivation and will ensure the goal is realistic.

Perfectionism is not inherently bad—it can drive success and personal growth when balanced with self-compassion and realistic goals. However, when perfectionism becomes a source of chronic stress or dissatisfaction, it’s important to take steps toward healthier thinking. Ultimately, finding contentment doesn’t mean achieving flawlessness, but learning to embrace the messy, imperfect aspects of life.

Jamie Prisco-Rudolph, MA, LPC-S is a Staff Therapist and Assistant Clinical Director at Edmond Family Counseling. Edmond Family Counseling is a non-profit organization.

We may be reached at 405-341-3554 to schedule an appointment with one of our professional counselors.