Parenting with Divorce
It seems to be common knowledge among Oklahomans that we are living in the state with the highest rate of divorce in the U.S. Consequently, 50% of children born to married parents today will experience the divorce of their parents before the children reach 18 years of age. Furthermore, close to half of these children will witness the breakup of a parent’s second marriage. These alarming statistics bring up the sensitive issue regarding how divorce affects children. This seems to be an issue with which many divorcing parents struggle in order to provide the best outcome for their kids.
Is there such thing as a “competent divorce”? Arnold Swartz, a licensed clinical social worker and director of a mediation firm in Colorado, refers to the term as an oxymoron like a “legal brief” or “jumbo shrimp”. In Swartz’s “how to” guide, he suggests parents communicate and cooperate as if they were business- like partners with the common goal being the health and happiness of their children. He notes that most people have had the experience of successfully doing business with someone they did not like and gives steps to achieving a desirable result. Swartz states the skills and strategies include: 1) sticking to the business at hand; 2) taking one issue at a time; 3) focusing on the present and future, not the past; 4) leaving out emotions and 5) listening carefully. This seems relatively simple but past experience between exes tends to indicate that individuals’ abilities to adhere to these basic instructions are less than satisfactory.
Regardless of how you feel about the other parent, you are partners in parenting your children for the rest of your lives. The parents’ attitudes and behaviors during and after divorce directly impact the present and future overall functioning of their children. Research indicates that parents who have divorced with the least amount of negative impact upon the children have : 1) put their children’s needs ahead of their own; 2) kept the children out of the middle; 3) worked together cooperatively; 4) ensured fluid, consistent parenting; and 5) related to each other in a professional and business-like manner.
Edmond Family Counseling serves the community by providing accessible, affordable mental health services. Please support our work. Donate at www.edmondfamilycounseling.org or bt mail. EFC 1251 N. Broadway, Ste. C, Edmond, OK 73034. Like us on Facebook too! All contributions are tax-deductible.
