Parenting is a Year Round Sport!

By Sheila Stinnett, LPC

As we progress through the spring months and the school year comes to a close, it is important to remember that in our job as parents we get no vacations. As students escape the daily demands of their classrooms for carefree days in neighborhoods and substitute school hallways for local malls and highways, good consistent parental supervision is a must if children are to grow into healthy functional adults.

Brain research tells us that the frontal lobe which controls cause and effect thinking does not mature until individuals are into their early to mid-twenties. When it comes to decision making and problem solving, children and adolescents must have the involved support of adults that can guide them toward positive pro-active decisions and away from re-active life altering choices. In the business of parental supervision physical presence is key, communication is essential, and knowledge is power.

Parental proximity is important. Your child needs to understand that freedom from adult eyes and ears is not a constitutional right but a privilege earned by those in open, trusting relationships built over time through consistent demonstrations of positive behavior.

Learn to ask open-ended questions. As parents you don’t need to perform a police interrogation before your teens leave the house but you should have a brief overview of their plans; where they are going, what friends are going, and when your children are planning to be back home. Don’t be shy about letting them know that you are going to check out what they have told you and you are going to need them to check with you before there is any change in their plans.

Openly discuss both family and community expectations for their behavior. It is important in the development of good problem-solving skills for individuals to understand the scope of consequences for a bad decision. For instance, the city of Edmond has a curfew policy for individuals under the age of 18. Make sure that your child understands what will happen both at home and in court if he or she chooses to disregard curfew.

Get to know your child’s friends and their parents. Good communication between the adults who are involved in the life of a child or adolescent often can illuminate problematic issues and prevent situations that could lead to disastrous consequences for your child and their friends.

Finally, find positive ways to re-introduce yourself to your children. As individuals develop through childhood into adulthood, they go through many changes. Just because you thought you knew them yesterday doesn’t mean you know them today. Schedule frequent family time with your children. This time should be a friend free zone with invitations for immediate family only. Planned activities should focus on fun and relaxation. Long summer days offer excellent chances to find time for in-depth discussions with your children about your own personal views and values while allowing them the opportunity to begin exploring and voicing their own value systems. Find a cool spot, sit back, and enjoy the front row seat to the miracle that is youth.