A Brief Primer on Loss
I know it sounds almost cliché but I think this quote may bear repeating, “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” Alfred Lord Tennyson. Read it again and let it start to sink in. A sad fact of life is that love and loss are a package deal. They are threads in the tapestry of our lives, giving color and depth. Where love’s focus is more on giving than receiving, loss’s focus is on deprivation.
Loss can be real, imagined or fantasy. When you experience real loss (I can assure you we all will) there is the tangible sense of someone or something being gone. In imagined loss, you grieve a specific loss which has not occurred. Finally, loss can involve fantasy. This is when someone or something that is gone was never yours to begin with; for example, planning your life around winning the lottery and then being depressed when you do not win the big one.
In response to loss we grieve, experiencing anxiety, helplessness, anger, sadness, regret and a host of other emotions in our own unique way. It is not like the flu where you can tell the exact symptoms like fever, chills, body aches, etc. Loss is as personal as it is universal. Loss that we can see coming, like the death of your 17- year- old dog that for the past two years has been receiving care by your vet for various age related ailments, may allow you some time to prepare mentally and emotionally. Loss that strikes out of the blue can knock us off our feet.
When we experience sudden/unexpected loss, we are shocked, stunned, sucker punched in the gut. It is overwhelming as you try to comprehend your loss and grief and cope with the changes in your life caused by the absence. I will tell you, though you may not believe it, you can recover. The following may help as a brief guide. You do need to mourn and allow yourself to express your feelings. If you do not, they will find a way to express themselves. Allow yourself to get support from others: family, friends and community. There is not a prescribed order or time frame, just your individual experience.
With loss there is opportunity for growth. With love, there is great joy and growth. They are truly a “package deal”. Perhaps as Tennyson inadvertently suggested, “love is worth the risk”.
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